[ If he says what he wishes to say, this will hurt more than it needs to later. The more he does now, the deeper his betrayal will cut when the time comes.
But maybe it should cut, just a little. Just enough that Theo never once thinks to save him. Maybe this, now, is what he ought to do, to make his actions later unforgivable.
Or maybe he is just scrambling to justify it to himself how desperately he wants to keep going. Theo's hand is on his him, burrowing beneath layers of cloth. And he wants to know, in truth, where it might go next. ]
Then please, discard restraint. I will not ask it of you.
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But maybe it should cut, just a little. Just enough that Theo never once thinks to save him. Maybe this, now, is what he ought to do, to make his actions later unforgivable.
Or maybe he is just scrambling to justify it to himself how desperately he wants to keep going. Theo's hand is on his him, burrowing beneath layers of cloth. And he wants to know, in truth, where it might go next. ]
Then please, discard restraint. I will not ask it of you.